My husband and I recently became new parents. It’s hard to imagine a more difficult time to bring a new life in the world but we definitely were not alone. We spent months preparing but nothing turned out the way that we had expected. This entire experience has taught me that despite our best plans, sometimes life can be unpredictable. That is why my first tip is:
- Be flexible- you never know what life has in store and new moms know that they need to roll with the punches. We had initially planned to have our parents and siblings visit and have a full-time baby nurse. When COVID hit NYC, those things suddenly were not options. We had to manage everything without our full support system. The good news is- we were stronger than we thought we would be- and we survived! We actually both feel that we have bonded even more with our daughter because we were doing everything 24/7.
The days before baby can seem incredibly busy and while you’re pregnant you are likely exhausted all day long. My job is busy and requires being on my feet all the time. I worked up until the day that I delivered and I remember thinking that it would be a relief to finally deliver the baby and be on maternity leave. While you are likely much wiser than I was, once I delivered, I became much busier and more exhausted. My friends can attest that I sent them a text saying that that our hardest days in the hospital were no comparison to caring for a newborn. That is why my second tip is:
- Be organized- I received this advice from a mom and advisor before I went on maternity leave. She said that if I need to see a dentist or file any maternity leave paperwork to do it all before I had the baby. She was absolutely right, once my little bundle of joy arrived, I had no time or energy to do these tasks. Also, remember that now wherever you go, the newest addition to your family will have to accompany you (or you will have to find care). Gone are the days where you can slip outside down the street to the drugstore for a simple errand. Once the baby is there, every trip has to be scheduled (it’s not a good idea to bring a baby out during their scheduled nap time or mealtime) and coordinated with packing a diaper bag for every potential scenario that could arise (what if the pacifier falls on the ground?). Also, navigating a large stroller in a small store can be very cumbersome.
Once you have all your affairs in order, it is important to have your home or apartment in order. No, you don’t need to have your Montessori home preschool set up but you do need tip 3:
- Have a clean space with basic newborn gear. While you are recovering from childbirth (possibly even surgery) you don’t want to be vacuuming and dusting. Try to get some of these chores out of the way and a cabinet full of clean dishes (feel free to order extra take-out). Also have a safe crib or bassinet and changing table fully assembled (see the American Academy of Pediatrics guide to safe sleeping). Also, ensure that you have a car seat ready to go. One sure way to pick out new parents is to see them fumbling with a brand new car seat. I never tested this out but apparently you can have your car seat installation checked at the local fire station. I found that the one I chose had helpful videos online and a picture guide. Also, if you live in a place like NYC where you do not have your own car, make sure you clearly understand how to install your car seat into whatever vehicle you will be taking home. Bring the instructions with you and do not be afraid to stop a little traffic to make sure it is properly installed.
After your gear is in order, make sure that you are ready for some basic newborn care. We didn’t take a class but I know some people really enjoy them. You can ask the nurses in the hospital for help, but it is useful if you have some sense about diapers and burping before you arrive at the hospital. If nothing else I recommend tip 4:
- Learn infant CPR. I have heard this advice frequently, and with good reason. While none of us start out as expert parents, it can be lifesaving and instill a little self-confidence in new parents that should sometime frightening happen, you have the basic skills to use while getting emergency response support. I can’t imagine many worse scenarios than feeling useless while your child is choking. In that same theme, know the numbers for poison control and your child’s pediatrician (and the on-call service if they have one). Post these centrally in your home for everyone who is caring for you baby. You don’t want to be fumbling with your phone and slow internet when you need those numbers.
Those are the major things that you need in order to be ready for baby but try to brainstorm what other aspects of your life you may need to prepare for this major life adjustment. For instance, some people gave me the advice to cook lots of meals in advance and freeze them to use once baby arrived. While this is fantastic if you can make this happen, we don’t have a large freezer to store that many meals and we preferred just to treat ourselves to take-out.
Finally, and I cannot stress this enough, take a moment (or two!) for yourself. Have some quiet alone time and savor it. It’s hard to imagine but likely as a new parent you will have very few moments to yourself. While your life is about to be even more exciting and full of a tremendous new love, there are aspects of your life that you may have to put on pause. The bottom line is- you are going to be a great new parent!
